It could be worse, you could be Keith’s second assistant PA

Posted: 06/06/2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Go on, take a break,

This is what happened when I found myself having to deal with British Airways and their impenetrable group booking system.

When they got to a month to the day of not replying to my letter of complaint, I thought I ought to email head man Keith Williams himself.


Dear Keith,
I’m not going to lie Keith, I’m disappointed. Yes, disappointed with the customer service I have received from British Airways. It feels jolly strange to say it Keith, but, I think I should tell you, so you know, I think British Airways are rude.
You see it all started when one of my chums from College decided to propose to his better half. Hallelujah Keith, she said yes, some of us were worried. Anyway, before he slapped on the old ball and chain, we thought it would be japes to have one of these, ‘lads on tour’ type weekends to Spain.
Travelling cattle class, but not wanting to sit with actual cattle we thought we better take our national airline. Send her victorious Keith, happy and glorious Keith. As a dab hand with the world wide web net, I was assigned the role of ‘Travel Inventory Topdog’ or shortened to the TIT.
As the TIT it was my responsibility to organise the flights for our party. As the TIT I was the first point of contact with your airline. And as your pal Sir Martin can tell you Keith, trying to organise 11 men in their 20s is not an easy task.
But oh my actual days Keith, you would think that the TIT could just log on, upload a few details and pop in his credit card details. You would imagine it’s simple to be a TIT but it really isn’t Keith.
Lists of names, deposits on this date, full payment on that date, not by credit card by bank transfer, you can’t check in online, the list goes on Keith.
But short before we were to fly Keith, I suddenly received a threatening letter from your airline. Despite having paid for the flights in full, we were told they were to be cancelled as I had not provided the names of my party promptly.
Let me assure you Keith, I was an attentive TIT. Where this deadline came from I have no idea. This letter made me feel that all the efforts I had gone to were wasted, in honesty Keith I felt like a useless TIT.
Upset with how difficult it is to use your group booking service, I wrote a letter to your customer service people a month ago Keith. However, having received no response I am rather irked.
I can assure you Keith that I will never be a TIT again and use your airlines group booking service.
Indeed, later this summer, I am travelling transatlantic with my girlfriend to the United States. If I am offered even the mere hint of rudeness from any of your staff, then I will never use your airline again. Even if that means flying with an airline which routinely causes deep vein thrombosis and has the safety record of a hedgehog on the M25.
I look forward to the copy and pasted reply from your third assistant personal assistant and the complimentary 10 airmiles and ‘Fly Iberia’ mug.
Yours sincerely
  1. Unimpressed says:

    With that standard of writing, are you sure you’re a barrister and not a barista? (No offence to baristas intended)

  2. impressed says:

    Nice rant – it’s good to get these things off your chest, and I enjoy a good rant as well as the next man. Though obviously not the previous man.

  3. Bernard Marx says:

    This is beautiful. Especially the hedgehog on the M25…

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